A walk down memory lane
Yesterday evening around 6:20 I came in from working outside with dad and walked up the stairs. I was sweaty, dirty, and tired. As I walked by Jonathan's room he called to me and informed me that we were going to Steve and Aubie's house for their mom's birthday - in 10 minutes.Back in the day I used to go over to their house every Friday night for supper, and every Saturday afternoon for lunch. It was like our tradition. I loved going over there and I always had a good time. After me and Steve broke up things got kind of awkward, and I wasn't really invited over there much. Jonathan still went like usual but I ended up staying home. I hadn't been there in about two months, so this came as a little bit of a surprise, and let me tell you I did not want to go. Me and Steve haven't talked in about 3 months and I'm pretty much afraid of the guy. I felt like I should go though, because I didn't want him to think I'm angry at him, which isn't the case. It's just that he's been ignoring me a lot lately. It's like he's a different person than the one I knew, and I'm afraid of what he thinks of me.
So anyway, I ran around trying to find something to wear and clean myself up and then went out to the jeep where Jonathan was waiting for me. As we headed up George Hill Road and onto route 62 I panicked. I mean really, what am I supposed to say!? Where should I sit? How should I act?? I sat there in silence a minute and then I said a prayer. I practically begged God to help me out. I said it didn't matter what happened, how we acted around each other, or whether it was good or bad. All I wanted was to not care either way. Just pleeease let me be indifferent to the situation. Let me be over this.
I think me and Steve said about one comment directly to each other the whole night, we were in separate rooms for most of the time, and it was quite obvious that he couldn't care less.
Regardless, I had a great time. A month ago I would have thought it was a miserable night. I would have thought the whole thing went horribly, that I was never going to get over the awkwardness and it would have mattered to me. Last night I didn't care. We told memorable birthday stories in the living room, we watched father of the bride in Steve's room, and then Aubie, Jill and I retreated downstairs to Aubie's room and talked for over an hour. It's not to say I didn't have flashbacks of the times I spent there in the past. I did, but they didn't phase me. It was more of a "that was a good day, but this is now, this is what I have." We didn't leave until about 11.
It's not like I'm through with everything or that I will never care again. I probably will, and it will probably be a long time before I go over there again, but I'm just glad that I could make the best out of the time I did have. I think this time God answered my prayer just the way I wanted Him to. :D Happy Sabbath!
posted by Kimmi @ 2:27 PM
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