Candy Opposition
Today I stumbled across my left over Halloween candy, which I had forgotten in my drawer. I poked around in the brown paper bag in attempts of finding something chocolatey, but instead I found a strawberry Push Pop. Now, If you're like me, you probably have many cherished child hood memories of special occasions, sibling rivalries, trips to the ocean, and Push Pops. For my brother and I, no shopping trip was complete without a fun, flavor filled, diabetes inducing Push Pop!
I smiled as I tore off the plastic wrapping and tasted the familiar flavor once again. I couldn't help but appreciate the fact that I had finally found something unchanged since I was a little kid. This was short lived however, because when I tried to push the pop up higher my finger just hit the bottom of a solid plastic container. Confused, I tried pulling off the bottom of the dispenser, figuring it was just a new sanitary precaution. This also proved futile, even after enlisting the help of several pointy metal objects as well as my teeth.
For a while I just looked bewilderedly at the deceitful wrapper. Then I saw it. In smaller letters to the right of the Push Pop logo was the description: "Now With POP UP ACTION!"
I stared numbly at the wrapper for a few moments, then back to the candy that hadn't "popped up" at all. After hitting the dispenser a few times and trying to wedge the candy out with my teeth, I came to the realization that the candy was in fact, not going to come out.
I decided to check out this new concept on the web site, and sure enough it was all there. This is what I read: "Now Push Pops are spring loaded! So your Push Pop pops UP, pops UP, pops UP all by itself! No more sticky fingers!!! But still the same great taste!"**
What I'm trying to understand is, why would I want to buy a Push Pop if I can't, you know, push it? Not only have I lost this classic piece of my childhood, but there is at least an inch of Push Pop left in that dispenser and I have seen no spring loaded action! I want my candy! I want my memories!
So I was thinking, maybe this is just a small step in desensitizing and preparing us for even more drastic changes! Next thing you know our Lego's will already be assembled and our DunkAroos will already be dunked! But who wants to buy pre-dunked DunkAroos? Not me!
So my faithful (and not so faithful) blog readers, unite with me in boycotting spring loaded Push Pops! Although this action will do absolutely nothing to hinder the production of these pops, it may in the long run prevent cavities. If we can't have our Push Pops how we want, we might as well have nice teeth.
**http://www.topps.com/Confectionery/NewPushPop/PushPop.html
Off with her hair!
Today dreams were shattered, brains were fried, and thousands of hair folicles lost their heads.
I woke up late today for the first time since the time change. Daylight Savings is bliss! Or is it the end of Daylight Savings? Either way, I'm a happy camper when I gain an hour. But inspite of the extra hour, I was late today anyway, and completely forgot about the testing I was supposed to be taking. Fortunately, preperation would not have helped me on this test, seeing as it asked me questions about the voltage and frequency patterns of electrical units, tool names, and other mechanical lingo, none of which I have any knowledge about. I can make a safe bet that the results won't suggest persuing a career as an electrician or automechanic. Good thing I took that test though, I may have thought tech school was for me! So anyway, by 11:00 my brain was sufficiently fried.
After school I went to lunch with Kate, and then came home for a little while. I checked my email. Low and behold, the very message I'd been waiting for had arrived! Most people who talk to me already know that I've been wanting to attend a college in London for a semester as an exchange student. Yesterday I requested the tuition information for Richmond American International University in London, the school I have been drooling over for the past several weeks. My heart sunk a little bit when $40,000 a year jumped out at me. Needless to say, I think I'm going to have to eliminate that one as an option. Maybe I can downsize a bit, choose something that doesn't look quite so much like a castle :'(
In other news, I got a haircut today and I am proud to announce that my hair now has several layers and smells like a creamsicle. Yum.
Men and Women as Consumers
There are two major differences between men and women as consumers; their ability to adapt to unexpected circumstances, and their definition of want versus need. For some reason, men don't understand when a woman sees the need to stop for an item not found on the pre-made list. However, in all reality, a list is merely a guideline to ensure that the basic items are not forgotten. What would life be like if the only items purchased we're things such as toothpaste, socks, and milk? I dare not think of the repercussions.
'Why are we stopping?' and 'What do you need in there?' are common questions that women are faced with everyday while attending to the needs of the household. The truth of the matter is, that women love to shop. It's in their nature and they know what they're doing. Contrary to the popular male belief, women are in control from the second they step foot into the store to the second they carry their bags out. Just because they come home with a few extra items doesn't mean that the situation was out of control, and in fact, the items are almost always essential to the health and happiness of the individual they are intended for.
This is where the definition of want versus need comes in. To a man, a necessity is something vital to ones health, hygiene, or basic comfort. This could include items such as food, soap, the TV remote, etc. What they don’t know is that women, unlike men, not only love to shop, but have an inborn need to shop. Browsing the mall is a lot like flipping through the channels and choosing the best sports game to watch. It may seem pointless to the opposite sex, but it is in fact very important to their mental state. This concept can be difficult for some men to understand, but it’s important that they don’t ignore it.
There are key phrases that every man should learn to recognize and act upon. ‘I have to run a few errands, is there anything you need at the store?’ is a subtle way of finding an excuse to turn a simple post office run into a full fledged shopping trip. At this time it is usually best to make up a small inexpensive item. This way there is no unnecessary loss of money, and more importantly, no unnecessary loss of limb due to the women’s inability to subdue her desire.
Women see shopping very much like men see sports. It’s a competition to seek bargains, a challenge to find deals, and a self satisfaction to reach the goal. Telling a woman that she doesn’t need to buy something is like telling a man that he doesn’t need to watch the last ten minutes of the football game because it’s obvious which team is going to win. Both scenarios, obviously, are no-no’s.
Flipping the coin over we have men as consumers. Very unlike women, men go into a store to conquer. With the list in one hand and the shopping cart in the other, they execute their mission with the utmost perfection and rapidity. To the naked eye a man may seem to have a natural navigational ability around the store. However, having experiences proving against this theory, I must say it is more likely that he made up a detailed plan with the most direct route quite a while before entering. As an early teenager I remember accompanying my father on trips to radio shack. Every time we went he would make me put a walkie talkie in my purse to ensure that he would not have to waste any time looking for me when his purchases were finished. It was mortifying walking through the mall with my little purse overburdened with a large walkie talkie that barely fit in my hand, not to mention the purse. It was even worse standing in line in a store, surrounded by older teens, and hearing my fathers tinny voice reverberating from my side. To my father, this was common sense.
‘Wouldn’t this look amazing in the living room?’ and ‘Hey, why don’t we take a peek in here!’ are questions that men are commonly plagued with while trying desperately to save time and complete their lists. Unfortunately for them, it is usually more important that the women are not denied these excursions than for the men to complete their tasks.
There are very few things that can actually distract a man from his course of action in the store. This is probably why so many advertisements portray beautiful girls as their advertising technique. Sometimes these images are just enough to skew the man’s vision to where he can see the store around him. For that brief, vulnerable moment, he can take in the items and find some that he deems “necessary” for health and happiness, such as a toolbox or lawnmower. Although these advertisements do nothing for women, it isn’t important, because women’s eyes are already scanning the store as they browse through.
Men have their own ways of rationalizing gifts as well. This is why women usually do the Christmas and birthday shopping. If it we’re up to a man he would buy the cheapest, most practical item possible. This is why so many women find scarves in their packages year after year. It’s always a struggle for me to buy a present for my father, because every time I ask him what he wants his answer is something like ‘I need new socks’, or ‘I’m low on windshield wiper fluid.’ Obviously, windshield wiper fluid would not be a presentable gift. For this reason, my mother and I are not only burdened with the task of doing all the Christmas shopping ourselves, but also making sure that he stays away from the stores throughout the entire Christmas season.
If it were up to men then most houses would probably be a lot more authentic. Homemade decorations are top of the list in their minds. Why spend hundreds of dollars on elegant curtains and matching rods when you can make your own out of used sheets? And why buy a $22 wreathe from your daughter’s class fundraiser when you can wrap some fir branches around an old bicycle tire?
Other foreign territories to men are name brands and specifics. When a man says he needs soap, that’s exactly what he means: soap. He probably just wants to wash the dirt off his hands and face so his wife won’t complain about it. On the other hand, if a women says she needs soap she could be referring to her Dove hand soap, her Neutrogena moisturizing face wash, or that coconut-lime body wash that she loves. Of course, there are a few exceptions to this rule, like my brother, who refuses to use the two in one Suave shampoo that I bought him because my Herbal Essence Conditioner makes his hair silky and smooth. As a general rule, however, men are more interested in the indications label than the name of the product
In conclusion, it’s not hard to see that when it comes to consumers, women are the connoisseurs. Without women, men would just be poorly dressed, course haired, dry skinned tall people who give scarves for Christmas year after year. Where would this world be without us? I pray we never find out.
